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~Anat0myy

Sewer slut.
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About Me Member Macabre Artist Charli Corea17/Female/United States Recent Activity Deviant for 6 Months
Needs Premium Membership Statistics 109 Deviations
28 Comments
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I do not know.

Sun Oct 25, 2009, 8:25 AM
I do not know what to write. What to feel. What to think. What to say. All I know is that I am in love with someone I hate. I hate everything about him. I hate his stupid jokes. I hate his sarcasm. I hate his voice. I hate him. But at the same time, I love him. And I love every single thing about him. I love the way he talks(just not to me; he's an asshole to me.) I love his face, his perfect, blue eyes, his pale skin. I love the way he puts commas and periods in unnecessary places. I love the way he smells. He smells good. Like a boy. And boys smell good, generally... ya know? But he doesn't feel the same way. He dislikes me. He probably even hates me. I did him wrong, and that's all he can probably think about. I was his first love, his one and only. And I decided to ruin that(not on purpose, of course). I know it was my fault. And I know I did something terrible. I've been trying to make it up to him and make amends for it, but he just doesn't want to hear it, I suppose. I've tried writing love songs. Tried being sweet. Tried just about everything I can think of. He changes the subject constantly. Onto more 'interesting' topics. Like the new classy painting he bought. I tried everything. Tried getting over him. Tried not talking to him. I made it about a week before he IM'ed me out of nowhere, telling me his birthday was tomorrow and to bake him a cake. I said no. He kept asking; I kept saying no. Then he gave up on THAT, and asked if he could call me and play me a song. I still said no. He kept begging. I kept telling him no. What else was I supposed to do? I couldn't give in... What the fuck would be the point, then? Anyway. So, he is an asshole. He constantly tells me how much of insignificant losers my friends are and how all we do is sit around and do drugs all the time. He calls me immature, dumb(but not stupid, apparently), and dramatic. Please. Will someone tell me how I'M the dramatic one in this weird fucking relationship, when he's constantly telling me how much of a losers I am and making fun of me? And then when I say something to point out one of his many flaws(not that two wrongs make a right, but still. shit feels good, man.) he gets all defensive and asks why I'm being such a drama queen and that I'm too overly-dramatic for him. Oh, of course. The point here is, I hate to love. I'm never falling into a trap like this again. This is just ridiculous. I told my therapist about him. She said he's just trying to get some sort of rise out of me when he talks to me. Trying to make me come to him. He's like a fisherman, she says. And I'm hooked by the cheek. And when he doesn't want to fucking talk to me, he cats me out. And when he does, he reels me in, just a little bit though... She is so right. Fml.


I'm fighting for this boy,
On a battlefield of love,
Don't it look like baby cupid sendin arrows from above,
Don't you ever leave the side of me,
Indefinitely, not probably.

6 Comments | Previous Journal Entries
  • Listening to: Made Up Of Tiny Lights-We All Have Hooks For Hands
  • Reading: Body Farms.
  • Playing: Sims 2!
  • Drinking: Big Nig. :)

deviantID

My life has come down to coffee, cigarettes, and NA meetings...

How happy is the blameless vestal's lot!
The world forgetting, by the world forgot
Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind!
Each pray'r accepted, and each wish resign'd.

I like chai tea and listening to folk music in empty houses. I sleep too much and I do a lot of weird things but I guarantee I'm worth getting to know. I like moccasins with skinny jeans and flannels. I like long drives on sunny days. Just because I flirt with you, that doesn't mean I like you. But I like Polaroid cameras and songs that are sweet like summer nights. I have anger & ranting issues. I like arguing. Fight me. I don't look or act my age and I am fully aware of this... "I'm just a fucked up girl looking for my own piece of mind; I'm not perfect." I like pinup girls and mice as pets and sleeping on Sundays.
(and Sundays only.)

Jersey born, Jersey bred,
Jersey trash until I'm dead.

Devious Info

  • Current Residence: somers point.
  • deviantWEAR sizing preference: medium.
  • Interests: Shows, Capri menthols, my bestest frands, herb, intense conversations, flannels, drugs, disorders...
  • Favourite movie: Eternal Sunshine of A Spotless Mind.
  • Favourite band or musician: Death Cab For Cutie. Bright Eyes. Owl City. From First To Last... etc.
  • Favourite genre of music: Indie/alternative, acoustic, and electro pop.
  • Favourite artist: Camille Rose Garcia, Mark Ryden, and Miss Van.
  • Favourite poet or writer: Edgar Allen Poe.
  • Favourite style of art: Macabre/Horror and psychedelic.
  • MP3 player of choice: iPod.
  • Favourite game: The Sims. :)
  • Favourite gaming platform: xbox 360!
  • Favourite cartoon character: Spongebong Hemppants.
  • Personal Quote: "Every day is Friday, until Monday."

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Comments


:iconsimpleken13:
*simpleken13 Jan 30, 2010, 1:59:56 PM
smokes coffee and n.a. lmao!!!! so it looks to be ur a pothead who likes the hallucinogenics k....how much further do you go past that ???? hope not that far. o and the answer to ur question on i "do not know" journal post. ur a drama queen due to the fact u don't fully let go of him? in my opinion (and trust me "my opinion" is not saying much), i don't know u well enough. so u write songs. u play any instruments? the best pic i saw from u is blow my head off (i think that's the name). hey buck up. i once wanted in the worst way to kill myself. i would of missed so much that i am so proud of. and that's the best way i can put it. life's art is heartbreak and love. but you have to be alive to see the art. the good times don't last forever and nether due the bad times. Google the 4 truths and read up on it a bit. new york to new jersey best of luck, check out my art. see if u feel it, and drop me a line. it would be nice to hear from u and ur thoughts

--
-Ken Husband-
:iconanat0myy:
~Anat0myy 2 days 20 hours ago
pothead and hallucinogens, yes... nothing else. and how does that make me a drama queen? it just means i can't let go... :P i write poetry, yes. i also play keyboard sometimes. how about yourself?
:iconsimpleken13:
*simpleken13 2 days 19 hours ago
well, i play bass guitar, and ukulele lol... i also write poetry (though i don't know how upload in on this site). ill tell u a little story of my recent life and explain the drama point...
I was a long-shore fisherman, like in deadliest catch (Ive even sold our catch in pt. pleasant ha!) So i did that for 4 years and when i was 25 i felt it was time to settle down. i stopped fishing and got a regular job. 6 months later i met Katie. We fell in love and a year later moved into a apt. one year later we bought a house. I renovated the whole house, it took 9 months of work, about 30,000$ in material, and all the work was done by me. 5 weeks after we moved in she told me she dident love me anymore. This was of no fault of my own. i was a good man to her. Yes we had our b.s. arguments but nothing that bad, She just wanted to "live life" be single, and "have fun". In other words she wasn't ready and finally figured out that all of life is work, and even though you may have all you want, in her case she thought it would be different. So i was put aside like a abandoned house pet. One week later a friend of mine, lance was taking her to baseball games, and trips to the poconos, the whole time telling me they were just friends.. Well that was obvius bs. 2 other of my "friends" would go to the house i built and hang out with my ex... I have known these guys for 15 years, and they dropped me to hang out with the woman who ripped my heart out.
Like i said i was a fisherman, so needless to say sometimes i can have a hell of a temper. Prior to all this bs i was trying to live a mellow life, but after Katie leaving me and my friends backstabbing me i was always one sec. away from flipping. I have never had so much rage in my life. and the ppl i had the biggest prob. with....lance and Timmy, well they would make sure not to be around me, and avoid me. This brings me to find them, i would punk them out at any chance, and just do allot of shit to try and make there lives hell. This in turn made my life hell. In allot of ways my anger towards them was a way to hold on to Katie (for as fucked up as that sounds) I lost allot of myself (the parts i love) in that time...
I eventually came to a -almost- peace with myself, in finding that peace i had to let the anger and bs emotions go. I started dating, and started painting (again). 1 week ago Katie called me, i could tell she wanted to talk and she found a bs reason for me to go to the house.....My heart was in my stomach, but i said no. I don't want to go to that house, i don't want to see you and i ment it. I still love her, but i love me more. At this point in my life i would show myself no love if i was to show her love
Did i fully let go....NO....but i am moving on. And this is why my answer to ur question was yes that makes you a drama queen....which by the way is the wrong wording. Do u like the drama? i say no. do u want the drama? i say no. But just as i said it to myself, all you get from this situation is drama, so why are you hanging around......u must like it to some extent, actions speek louder then words...if u truly don't want the drama, you'll find ways to stay away from it. o and I'm a ex pothead....i would rather smoke then drink but i cant get a good job with weed in my system.....i hoped my story wasn't to across the board and helped u a lil bit.... anytime u wanna talk just give me a shout

--
-Ken Husband-
:iconseptembergreigh:
~SeptemberGreigh Dec 4, 2009, 9:27:47 PM
Thanks so much for the watch! :D <3
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